9/3- Routines

My family and I spent the last few days soaking up the last drops of summer vacation. It's been a sweet and breezy season (minus the chaos of a new puppy - that's been REAL), but a new month and school year means new routines for us all. And though I'm sad for this truly glorious season to draw to a close, September is my jam month. Besides the fact that I'm an early fall kind of girl, I just love the warmth of it. I like the idea that you can line things up and fill your days with purposeful activities.

Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm carefree and unorganized. No need to plan anything. No schedules to follow, just parenting on a whim. But for most of the year, that's not actually my life. That's me in some other life. In this one, I'm prepping the monthly calendar 2 weeks in advance, reading the latest books about parenting, and buying all the gear and the necessary tools to help my littles thrive as they both enter new eras of school. And me? Well that's the fun part. This is the first September in 6 years where I haven't been pregnant, breastfeeding, or going to school. This means I get to carve out a new routine for myself. One that isn't governed by growing or feeding a tiny human, or by grades and deadlines. I get to give myself the gift of tenderness. I get to give my family the gift of tenderness by being attuned to their needs and incorporating mindful presence. My ability to be present is something that has been in short supply the past couple years. I mean, it hasn't been to my standards anyway. I'm sure on the outside looking in, I'm killing it. But I know I need to just be in it with them, and up til very recently, I haven't been, not fully. But in order to do that, I'm going to have to change things. I can't rush, rush, rush anymore. I have to allow time. I have to leave space.

So it's healthy habit time. It's kombucha over coffee. It's ashwaganda capsules over beer. It's 10:30pm bedtimes and incorporating the reading and q&a time that my daughter wants with me at bedtime, the 15 minutes of play my son needs with me instead of the push, push push of on to the next task. It's about routine, but also just incorporating quality time in with that. For my kids, my partner, and myself. So I look forward to that. I look forward to clearing out inboxes of emails trying to sell me shit I don't need. I look forward to quietly submitting my writing. I look forward to sweet little family moments and walking the dog in the quiet evening hours. I look forward to coffee dates and flute meditations and just simplifying my routine to be more holistic, less about consuming or some superficial form of levelling up. I'm tired of consumerism and hollow pursuits stealing my time. I'm bored of Instagram lives. I barely go on anymore. It doesn't feel real to me. I am ready to carve out a comfortable, soft life for myself and my family. One where we grow together, but also where we find time for each other and really see each other just as we are. Where we lean on each other and radically accept each other. That's what's been missing in past seasons, and it was probably my fault. I just got lost for a little bit. But I'm here now.

I'm really here now.