Rise of the milk mavens

We are in the throes of the tumultuous newborn days, bringing new changes for us both. Baby girl is doing incredibly well adjusting to life on the other side of the womb. I, on the other hand, haven't had the easiest postpartum recovery. From vomiting for 9 hours post-delivery, to then developing a dangerous blood pressure condition in the days following, I initially had front row seats on the struggle bus. The juggle of being on top of the ensuing med cocktail and constant blood pressure monitoring while trying to care for a tiny human (and older tiny humans) felt like a lot. But I think we’re finally getting in the groove. My husband is an amazing dad and a pretty stellar live-in nurse, so I’m grateful for that.

Aside from my body being in a state of chaos, there are positive things happening. I lost about 25 pounds in the first 8 days alone (thank you hormonal night sweats). Meanwhile, baby girl steadily packs them on. She’s gaining 45 grams a day. Needless to say, nursing is going well. And for the most part, I find it incredibly peaceful. We are awake to feed every two to three hours at night, and during the day, we find time to laze like queens. There’s something about nurturing a baby in this way that feels serene and in many ways, healing for me. I’d forgotten how much I love the rhythmic suckling sound of a baby nursing at the breast. It regulates my body, mind, and emotional state, forcing me to slow down.

The world is slow and calm here. Even though, as a newly minted mom of three, I often feel pulled in so many directions, I’m trying not to ask more of myself. The ability to be present for the beginning of a tiny life feels like a gift. I wish it could stay this way forever.

Obviously I know it won’t, and it can’t. But I’ll enjoy it for as long as I can.

To build a life

Aside from the moment of one’s death, I don’t know if there’s anything more spiritually transcendent than giving birth. It’s a sacred process where the portals of two worlds collide, requiring an abundance of vulnerability, trust, and intrinsic maternal strength. As a mother, you can only hope that those attributes stay with you throughout your journey of matrescence. I know I did.

But at some point, I checked out. I saw only what I was lacking inside. Maybe that’s why I took so long to touch this threshold again. There’s this thing I do when I’m close to getting everything I want - I panic and get in my own way about it. I relentlessly self-sabotage to satisfy some internal script that repeatedly tells me I don’t deserve to have it so good. Maybe that’s what happens when you’re born a self-punisher.

All this to say… I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to do this again. Funny how life turns out, isn’t it?

I’ll never forget the potent amalgamation of joy and relief I felt moments after delivering my last child. She didn’t cry right away. The doctor said “look at the cheeks!” and remarked what a big baby she was, and I knew with every part of me she was okay.

And life suddenly slowed down.

My body flush and warm from the analgesics and oxytocin flow. My baby girl’s plump little body resting against my breast. My partner watching us attentively. Our world changing in a blink.

It’s been a little over two weeks since we welcomed our girl, and it still feels so surreal. Everything that’s happened over the past few years just seems to make sense now, you know?

When you’re building a life, there comes a point when you need to stop looking so hard at what’s happening on the horizon. You’re probably already in the thick of something perfectly designed for you. I wish I’d always trusted that. I wish I’d known this darling girl was waiting for me somewhere down the line. Now that she’s here, she’s helped me feel so at peace.

She’s my safe haven… here in human form at long last.

A new light in the world: Welcoming my sweet Haven Isla Fay

“Every hair on your head is counted. You are worth hundreds of sparrows. The tree you planted has become fecund with kamikaze hummingbirds.” - Mark Linkous (Sparklehorse)

Forgive me for not posting in forever, but my world has just become a little busier these days. As you may have guessed…

She’s here!

Proudly introducing our serene, gorgeous girl, Haven Isla Fay Goodrich. The true embodiment of her name, ‘a safe place on an island with fairies’, our magical little darling made her earthside debut on November 4th, 2024 at 8:37 in the morning, arriving in due course like the calm amid the storm. Being in her presence truly feels like a sanctuary.

Weighing a mighty 8lb 11oz, measuring 19.29 inches, and displaying the chubbiest cheeks and most peaceful disposition, we are so in love with this little beam of light. Life without her in it doesn’t seem real. Her big brother and sister proudly welcomed her with open arms, and our family is now complete in every sense of the word.

We’re so excited to watch your life unfold, sweet Haven. ✨🤍