When can we talk with a face instead of using all these strange devices?

I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of digital burnout these days. I find myself reticent to post on any social media platforms, text, and even write on here. Maybe it’s because capitalism is so entwined with all of it, even this method of creating, and it somehow makes everything feel a lot less authentic. Like nothing matters. Maybe it’s too much to ask, but I just want to be in the midst of 'real' life all the time.

I don’t have any desire to be online lately, to show my life to strangers, to scroll through the cesspools of the Internet in pursuit of things that enrage or engage me, or to needlessly convince anyone that I have a perfect life. As I get older and more settled with where I’m at in my journey, I find myself hating playing pretend and using what little energy reserves I have left to do so. I guess you could say I’m a little disenchanted. But rightfully so. I think constant election coverage will do that to you, as will images of murdered Palestinian children sandwiched in between ads for overpriced baby gear and ‘miracle’ face creams. I have a weak stomach for profit over people.

Post-2020 me was all about staying connected via the Internet, but I think it really worked against my mental health in a way. The fantasies and distractions you buy into and then unwittingly continue to perpetuate online can only help you so much before they do harm.

That being said, I created this space as a refuge after coming through some heaviness in 2022 and early 2023, and I feel like it’s close to serving its purpose. Maybe it’s that I have a newfound joy in my life, a near complete family, and some other things to look forward to, but I just don’t feel I need this blog as much, nor do I have a lot of time for it. I want to spend more time writing poetry that matters and shining a light on injustices and fighting systems that just don’t work. But I just won’t have time for it all if I have to find things to write about each week here. Everything that I want and need centers around authenticity and forging a soft, peaceful life for myself and my family. If I simplify it like that, I can have that without a space like this.

I don’t know when the end will be, but I feel it coming soon.