May Gratitude List - A 6 month old baby & a 40th birthday

The month of April had its share of challenges. I'm still working through most of them, like struggling to drive without having anxiety attacks. Par for the course after an accident, I guess. I have a fancy new van, but upgrading to a newer model meant we had to give up our 10th wedding anniversary plans to go on a romantic getaway (+baby) to the Gulf Islands. It's just not fiscally responsible, apparently. The dreamer in me says fuck that. The realist knows he's probably right. Who needs romance and re-connection time, anyway? I might be slowly dying inside but at least I'll look pretty.

It's funny, despite my rapid mental decline (it’s called mom brain, FYI) and currently less than satisfactory self-image (I want my cute body back), few people are privy to the existential melancholy lingering just below the surface. I hide it well. Not sure if that's a good thing. But in any event, I'm lucky that this is one of the few places I can be real about that. No matter what, there’s still a bunch of things to really be grateful for this month:

1. Haven turns 6 months old. Half a year with this gorgeous, easy-going girl and there's still so much to learn from her and to teach her. She’s got two teeth now. Ask my nipples how they feel about that.

2. Hubby turns the big 4 0 later this month. Still acts like a horny teenager though. I can't believe I've known him for 31 years! Not many people have that story. I'm grateful for ours and for the fact that he was born 40 years ago.

3. Whistler Family Trip. This is in lieu of the vacation we had planned at Great Wolf Lodge in Washington this month—thanks to tariffs and measles outbreaks, it’s a no from me, dawg. Whistler with kids is sure to be an experience though!

4. The overwhelming support we've received from an incredible village of family and friends who have helped us immensely as we struggle through the teen years with our daughter.

5. My own inner strength, ferocity, and knowledge. It’s shaped who I am as a mother, and even more so, as a person. Luckily the beast in me has teeth, and she comes out when it matters.